Diary 102.

Dear diary,

I remember, the very start of the crush was from 19th of April 2009.

It's only around in the mids of August when he coincidentally sat beside me, and I felt my heart beating faster, then I knew I've fallen for him.

But yet in the middle of after that April and before August that period, I did not think of him at all.

Tonight, Christmas Eve, 24th of December 2009.

Listening to the same song since yesterday, it made me cried.

But to be specific, all love songs just links me to him, every single time.

I know it is already not easy to forget someone.

But it seemed even more difficult to ignore things that reminds you of that someone.

Imagine putting yourself in my shoes..

Rejected you, not giving you a chance to openly love, yet still treats you like a friend when met, however won't get to meet any more in life.

This has been going on since the start of the crush.

You are like hell, yet the other is like heaven.

You are in the South, yet the other is in the North.

You are the dumb one, yet the other is the smart one.

You are the noisier one, yet the other is the quieter one.

You know there is no chance, yet the other didn't go against but to support.

What would you do in my shoe?

Longing to just see him again, hoping to get a message from him, thinking of ways just to get closer to him yet..

One step to him = Two steps from him

How torturous can love be?

Fucking tired.. Damn it..

Jasmine

Diary 101.

Dear diary,

My imagination came true..

A girl in our school from the 6th floor jumping down.

I imagined that. And it came true.

Thinking back, I still think I should be the first suicidal case in my school.

Diary.. I miss him..

But I want to forget him at the same time..

What should I do??

Thoughts of him are seriously killing me..

I'm exhausted.

Jasmine

Diary 100.

Dar diary,

Wow, i'm so glad that this is the 100th entry!

So sorry for not coming back to you after so long..

This should actually be like nearly 150th entry??

Well, cos I didn't post entries every single day mah heh heh..

Also, please forgive me for not showing you any photos..

Been having difficulty to upload photos whenever I want to.. =/

Sorry sorry..

Well, lots of stuffs happened.. Things like..

School started, fucked-up stuffs, loss of interest, downhill-ing, busy like hell and fatigue.

Yea as you know, my school is Simei ITE, College East.

Course? Higher Nitec in Business Studies (Sport Management).

Ironic eh? A fat person in sport management, WTH.

This is kinda wordy so.. Sorry about that.

Having trouble to upload photos..

The national inter-school tournament was over and I wasn't there.

Told the wrong person that I couldn't make it.

Yesterday's BBQ, I did not order the food either.

If not for her to her, I would have been dead-meat.

Thank you very much Mdm Suriana.. ^u^

Have always idolized her haha.. She's good in everything!

BTW, i've decided to deactivate my Facebook and Twitter.

Why?? For Facebook, it's because.. Well, I don't know why too.

Twitter, I just decided to sign out and don't really use it again.

Nothing much to do there and nothing keeps me going anyway.

When will I be back? Probably never, probably when someone really wants me back.

So I guess, Diary, you and Plurk will be my only online "friends" now.

See who realises that.

Haha..

Yesterday during the BBQ, my slipper's strap snapped.

I continued staying happy thou haha..

Then I said, "even when I act as thou i'm happy, you guys won't know right?"

Of cos I jus haha-ed at the end of this sentence.

They heard as something else, not sure wad, forgot already.

But anyway, sometimes a smile is forced, just whether you can differentiate it or not.

I told Daryl that now, when I listen to love songs, I felt weird.

Because I don't know who to think of when listening to it.

But after seeing him again, I can't seemed to get away from love songs.

Feelings are really hard to control isn't it?

Heard from one of my friend, her relationship with her BF may come to a break.

This really saddens me.. Cos..

To me, a relationship is not easy to create, if not for the spark.

So the lesson learnt is, never judge a book by its cover.

Back to the guy whom I liked for 2 years, and for 2 months after his rejection.

He looked kinda tired when sitting down.

His eyes were closed, and there is this urge inside me.

"Hey, tired go home first la.." and "Don't care about him Jasmine!!!"

Physically, I don't even feel like talking to him.

But yet mentally, it's killing me as I see him so tired.

Hardworking as ever, doing work even when it's time to relax.

Weirdo, carrying his bad for the WHOLE day.

Can't blame, there's his lap top inside.

Quiet, just as I expected.

Can't blame, cos i'm the one who chose to have a distance with him.

I kept going away, cos I wish he came over to me.

Well, school had already started, I should be bucking up.

Better stop wasting my time thinking of someone who don't even care a shit about me.

And now start revising my studies already. It's already the 4th week in school.

Bye..

(I wish you were here.)

Jasmine

Diary 99.

Dear diary,

Yesterday, I went for Kyorugi Referee Refresher Course.

Lol I confirm fail liao.. My paper haven finish then hand up le.

KNS.. Haiya.. Paper as in, they have theory test mah..

Then for practical they tested our agility and made us do shuttle run.

I tried agility for 1st time, got 47 seconds, and females passing is 45 seconds.

Quite lucky la cos guys is 40 seconds leh WTF.

So after resting awhile, I went for a 2nd try, and got 43 SECONDS!!!

Woah, i'm like super happy like f**k?! LOL! Inbar shit.

Actually before tht got 2 super easy test lol..

Take your BP that test, which actually sit there let the First Aid guy help you do can liao.

After that go take the pledge test, as in say out pledge to examiner..

I passed that easily wahahaha.. so proud of myself lol.

Anyway, went to rest awhile after the agility test.

Then decided to have a go for the shuttle run!!!

Couldn't really hear many people shouting for me..

lol I oso not popular, so im not surprised la haha..

After the shutter run, my record was 44.4 seconds. Like, WTF?!

Fail by 0.4 seconds, KNS. I like want to die then fail by 0.4 seconds wa biang.

Andy helped me to plead to the person who took my time lol.

He said he told the person the stop watch got problem lol, NICE ONE!

Then i passed all 4 tests!! Super happy to the max! *Loves*

But i'll probably be going back cos of my theory test. -.-

Jasmine

Diary 98.

Dear diary,

Recently, and that is actually last Friday..

IT WAS EILEEN'S BIRTHDAY!!!

Haha.. Afternoon met Angie, Eileen and Cherie at Tiong Bahru first.

After that we went to eat Aston's at Cathay, near Plaza Singapura.

After eating we walked to Cine-leisure all the way..

Lol then im like, argh.. my legs are breaking!!

Anyway, we reached there and guess what movie we went to watch?

SUCKER PUNCH!!!

Well.. The whole movie and story is like fake to the max la but..

The whole fantasy feel is great! Like.. Fake but nice la =D

Movie about 2 hours long?? Can't remember..

Eh no, I think less than that.

Anyway, after movie, kinda sad that Cherie gotta go..

Like last time, when we were all close, she's really quiet.. XD

I asked her how come so quiet and she said cos its awkward.. ya so..

After the movie was sad that she gotta go cos we all finally start to get her talking??

As in, the awkward feeling is starting to disappear, then she gotta go.

Sian.. Nvm luh, I guess there's always a next time ._.

Now that she left, we were quite lost?? LOL.

Angie and Eileen accompanied me go in Scape and eat the shaved ice.

When i'm there, I always ordered Champagne Grape ice..

Just the ice alone is so nice haha.. Always mesmerized by it when I took the first bite. *Loves*

After that we decided to go to Boat Quey that area.

Why?? COS WE'RE GOING TO ESKI BAR!!!

Below are a few pictures taken when we're there!

Yea, this is me. BTW, they provide the winter wear coat cos inside is seriously cold TTM.

This is Angie's drink. Called "Granny's Milk". Sounds dirty, I know, but its nice! Tastes like milk tea lol..

And this, is my drink; called "Japanese Slipper". Recommended by the Manager of Eski Bar cos told him I hate bitter and hot feeling in throat. In the end he created this, just for me!! Too bad still slightly bitter @_@

Lastly, this is the birthday girl, Eileen's, drink called "Melon Ball". I tried, i tasted, i dislike.

Lol dislike got reason wan la, cos.. i cant rmb how it tastes like now.. But i only remembered i dun like it.. =X

In the bar, before I left Angie and Eileen, I suggested coming here once a month..

Wonder what do they think haha.. I think it's cool~

Totally absolutely love that place.. *Loves*

Jasmine

Diary 97.

Dear diary,

ALAMAK!!! Ok gonna make this just a short one haha..

How ar how ar how ar?!?!

Between TKD n work.. Jia lat. ._.

Tell my boss I gonna do this sat n sun liao..

Even Sir David came and ask me can be referee anot..

But again, I referee like shit liddat.. Hais..

Woah.. NTU leh!!! I'm sure all bouts are kick head one lor!!!

SCARY!!! Serious, i'm really scared during referee-ing for kick head ones..

But boss called me first eh..

Aiya..

Die die die.. WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!?

Jasmine

Diary 96.

Dear diary,

It's been one week since that rejection.

It took place on Sunday remember?

So on Monday and Tuesday, I was emo la haha..

But Wednesday and Thursday felt better??

Occasionally still thinks of him thou.

On Friday, I kinda start feeling all weirdo!

Why?? Cos the next day i'm seeing him..

Thankfully on Saturday, an unexpected situation savaged our awkwardness haha..

One kid had tummy-ache and cried like one shit.

Thanks to that kid, we weren't that awkward lor..

The next day there is this monthly stuff.

And he said he's not going.

Thing is nobody asked if he's going.. Why did he say out sia?

Lol.

Well, I admit that I felt slightly sad that he's not going.

But of cos, I din show out because I knew nothing will change for the better.

So yeah.. Gotta get on my life lor.. =)

Jasmine

An expected rejection.

Deary diary,

It all started yesterday, exactly at 6.30pm, I was at Clarke Quey.

Me:

Did u realise we didnt talk at all today? Besides the 5 dollars thing..

Him:

No cause I don talk alot today

Me:

No is u talked to everyone except me.

Him:

No not everyone only people near to me

Me:

I was wishing u wud come over and talk to me.

Him:

Y? I got nothing to say.

Me:

Tell u the reason nxt sat. Tat is if u gg tkps.

Him:

...y u always like that ar?

Don tihink too much about things.

Everything is very simple, don complicate things.

Me:

Ok, then I tell u the reason now.

Cause i like you.

Tats y u c im always trying to stick to you.

Everytime i c u, i seriously felt like hugging u cos i freaking missed u.

Seeing u only 18 times every year, u tink i dun wana forgt u n jus treat u s a fren?

i cnt do it cos i really like u!

Somethings r nt meant to b heard frm mouth but to be felt by the heart.

Its super obvious tat i like u when i said jus nw, i wish u wud come talk to me.

N u asked y?

R u dumb or brainless?!

Cant u c tat i like u?

I was actually brave enuf to ask u abt y u dun wan a gf or wadever.

Do u rmb when is tat?

I wanted to say tat i like u face to face.

Bt since u finally asked y, let me tel u y.

Simply because i like you.

Him:

I know.

But I was waiting for u to back down cause I already told u the reason y i do not want any GF.

Any one who ask me I will reply the same thing.

Some things are better left unsay.

So please don continue this.

Me:

Thx for ur rejection.

Cn forget u more easily nw..

Him:

See thats what will happen if I reject anyone thats y i too try to give hints.

But anyway just treat this as a experience.

And also there are people who try to do the same thing like u, but back down sooner by themselves.

Of course don give up if u meet some others the next time cause I don think u did the wrong thing.

This time only meant it is still not ur time yet.

Me:

Ya ya ya, dun contact me for the moment..

Thx..

Him:

Sure don worry this message is the last

It all started by me at 6.30pm, yet ended by him at 7.18pm.

All alone.. At Clarke Quey, crying..

Looks like i'm not the first girl that confessed to him.

Jasmine

Diary 95.

Dear diary,

Ok many things had past la so..

I decided to summarise everything!!!

Just enjoy the photos below haha..

Yea you see this rabbit right? IT'S MADE MY THE BADMINTON RACKET EH!!!

I know that crazy but.. ITS TRUE!

Still located at Henderson market there but no more light and not so nice le..

CNY over le mah. Can't be blamed thou.. =/

Haha this rabbit..

That time first time outing together with Nicole and Daryl.

Went to prize station catch one.. Wa biang.

Wasted more than $10. FOL. lol..

Thanks to Nicole's the what camera (i forgot wad its called..)..

We can take this photo and print out straight together!!! =D

My mum went to SGH for some check up thing lol

She on purpose dun wan smile de.. XD

When she smile she super cute wan.. *loves*

Nicole gave me and Daryl this necklace!

Super cool de right?..

Ask her where she make she only replies dunno -.-

But anyway..

THANK YOU NICOLE!!!

Jasmine

Diary 94.

Dear diary,

I'M SO SORRY!!! Been just words and words and words for you these days..

Gomenasai.. =/

This time also is words so ya again.. SORRY!!! T-T

About today, I felt rather frustrated la..

Feeling damn super fucked up.

I was about to go USS work as.. Even I dunno what imma be doin.

Only was told to wait at 11am at Harborfront's pizza hut there..

Seemed like someone is suppose to come pick me up right?

Then this is what happened.

I reached there on time, like, on the dot la.

See no one, so I called back USS.

And the guy said i'm suppose to work on the 5th and 12th Feb.

WTF?! Then previously on the phone those confirmed dates are gone?!

Fucking irritated la NB..

Then he say what, want me get there on my own, so.. Fine.

After about a minute, I thought to myself..

(This is getting more and more confusing.)

(Fuck it la, better stop this now.)

So I called him back la, ask can I just cancel away all my CNY working days?

He was like yea yea sure, no prob. (But obviously he sounds angry, too.)

Then after putting down the phone, I took 145, go back home sleep.

If you can see, between me and that USS guy, is this connection.

Connection is the problem. But I can't say it here..

Tell you in private.

Anyway, was watching Momo Love just now on channel U.

This girl named Tao Hua likes this guy called Shi Lang.

This episode, she is like.. Die die wanna explain to Shi Lang why she kissed this guy that she don't even have interest in..

I was like, I felt like.. I'm not putting in any or much effort enough to get this guy who I like now too.

Her story is happy ending la, like normally in shows..

Shi Lang is together with Tao Hua lor..

So I thought to myself.. If only..

***** will be like this too.. =/

Jasmine

Diary 93.

Dear diary,

Singapore has been raining for quite awhile already for these few days!!

So as my cough eh, I finish my meds le but still coughing at times for more than 1 week already..

Lol as long as don't cough out blood can liao..

Yesterday was my first day at work!!

Haha I was selling ice creams at Tiong Bahru at level 4, just outside the arcade!

The name is called "Scoopy's and Cream" =D

Given below is the webby for this shop:

www.scoobysandcream.com

Tomorrow imma be meeting Angie and Sophia, 1.15pm at Tiong!

Gie's is gonna for her interview as the same job as me!!! woohoo!!

hopefully she gets in tomorrow haha..

I shall take a pic and let ya see how the shop looks like~

Just now, I went to the ITE webby to accept the offered course!

Yeah as you know, I am going ITE College East, doing Business Studies: Sports Management!

WOOHOO!! But i'll rather Hospitality Operations thou ._.

But nvm la.. at least im going back to school le..

Ever since i failed my o levels, TKD has courses means got tests mah, i've been passing them all!

TMD, if I din call ITE headquarters for my ID and Password i'm sure my course say good-bye liao.

Good thing I accepted it just before midnight! As in..

Cos they say gotta accept before 1st Feb..

Now just wait either tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, Tues or Wed la, go ITE webby again.

Why? Cos I gotta see how much fees gotta pay..

Haha k la gtg liao.. my sis wans the com.

Jamate ne! (In jap = See you later!)

Jasmine

Diary 92.

Dear diary,

Diary.. Help me.. T-T

On Feb i'm sure i'll be a awkward meeting with him..

Hais..

Tell you more in private..

Jasmine

Diary 91.

Dear diary,

Ok firstly, just wanna say things happened on Saturday night..

Just wanna say the fish was sweet haha.. *Loves*

Ok back to main topic, TODAY!!!

I went to SGH with mummy to collect her medical report.

Hais.. Seemed like she gotta do dunno wad therapy lurh..

Now when waiting to pay the consultation fees, I go take photo for you to see Diary!! =D

Haha yeah, my full body!

If you realise, I first time tie my head like this haha.. XD

I LOVE THIS SHIRT TTM!!!!!

After giving fees, went to take cab back to the place where I see doctor.

See doctor liao then go home lor, lol where else?

Yes, I love this view from my house! *Loves*

Taken around 7pm+?

Haha ya thats why like rather dark lor..

Haha k la gtg for dinner liao..

Sayonara!

Jasmine

Diary 90.

Dear diary,

Ok, this is the continue part of diary 89..

That saturday was the grading help out day!

And I forgot to take photo. argh shit..

anyway, since thats over and plus i forgot take photo, lets skip that day then!

ok, now move on yesterday!! LOL!!!!

Ok, this photo is when I took with Daryl and Nicole cos.. I JUST FEEL LIKE IT!!! XD

And if you look at me properly, my EYES are CLOSED!

Thanks to this guy, below, which took at the right timing!!

Yes! And his name is Yong Sheng!!

Ok, tell you guys first, these 2 photos weren't taken yesterday, just wanna show you who are my TKD mates! *Loves*

HAHA NOW BACK TO THE MAIN POINT!!!

Yesterday, while Sir Jackie was talking about tournament stuffs, me, Nicole and Daryl were talking.

After talking, we started to just observe the students, to make sure they're not talking.

JUST THEN!!

XD!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh. My. Gosh.

Daryl first spotted, there is this student, little boy, who was sucking his finger.

Then Daryl like wth la, say he sucking the private part of his own WTH!!

Next, even WORSE!

The boy went to dig his nose (VERY EWWWW ALRDY, I KNOW!), THEN PUT INTO HIS MOUTH!!!!

OH FARK!!! LOL WTH SIA!!!!!

Me, Nicole and Daryl really wanna burst into laughter!!!

But cos we still in duty we were like really-wanna-LOL-but-cant that feeling!!

Ok last but not least, OH MY GOD.

That little boy..

WENT TO TASTE ANOTHER BOY'S TOE!

SO THE 3 OF US IS LIKE LAUGHING LIKE HELL AGAIN!!!

But same stuff, the really-wanna-LOL-but-cant that feeling!!!

Luckily we professional enough, after Sir Jackie is done, we carried on our duties la..

Guess I'll never ever forget this laughter we had man.. XD!!!

Jasmine

*Heart broken*

Dear diary,

Why do I always stupidly think it would be possible between me and him when I already know the truth that I will not, no, it's never, ever, be with him?..

F**k, I need a hug and really feel like crying now..

Jasmine

Diary 89.

Dear diary,

Erms.. Kinda tired so I'll try to keep this short uh..

Forgot to take photos. Shit.

Argh, tomorrow then say the real things bah..

Night people..

*Yawn*

Zzz..

Jasmine

Diary 88.

Dear diary,

Hiak hiak.. Tomorrow my cute mummy is coming back home..

Farking glad that her surgery went well and is done by the laser and not C-section way!!

Since she'll be coming home, this means she discharge la.

Sian, she 1pm then discharge, yet I gtg help out in TKD..

So, I planned morning to visit her lor, then around 11.30am leave SGH.

Shall be heading to TPY that area haha.. I dunno how to say the venue thou..

Oh yeah, shit sia, Wednesday night forgot to tell a student something.

Lucky today when I called the parent, asked her bring her to there around 1.30pm..

Hopefully tomorrow nothing goes wrong and everything goes right! =D

If I not wrong, tomorrow de dinner should be the big shots treating us again bah to thanks us for helping out the grading haha..

Message to Angie and Sophia: HEY BABES!!! Sorry tomorrow can't join you guys for dinner.. Cos I may be having the dinner with my TKD mates uh.. Sorry sorry.. =/

Yeah, and I just realised..

St Teresa's grad dinner is next sat!..

To be honest, I feel.. -_-'''

Also realised that my blog like no photo like that.

Imma be taking some photos tomorrow then haha..

Shall upload some photos so won't get bored when reading lurh!

1:08am now.. Gotta sleep..

Bye and nites people! *Loves*

Jasmine

Diary 87.

Dear diary,

My mummy will be going for womb-removal surgery tomorrow at 8.30am.

Imma be waking up at 7am later..

Haha so.. Should be sleeping soon lurh..

Of course, pray super hard that her surgery goes well and it did not spread! ^^

Btw, I've also know about my plans tomorrow...

1. Call 1800-CALL-ITE (1800-225-5483)

2. Know which ITE is nearest to my house

3. Get that ITE's number

4. Go there together bringing my certs and all

5. Apply for the course which I'm offered with and interested in it too

I know I am not as smart as my siblings already so..

I don't regret choosing this path.

Even though I had already told them it's not Taekwondo's fault that I failed 'O' levels.

In 2010, I temporary quited TKD to study for 'O'.

In the end I also failed.

Hopefully through this my family truly understands that, it's not TKD's fault lurh..

Looks like by the time I graduated from poly..

I'll be quite old lurh haha..

Means no guys wan me haha. I'm so unwanted sia..

Have friends and family but no romance love eh.

NVM LA!!

I am.. MISS INDEPENDENT!!!

Jasmine

Diary 86.

Dear diary,

Once again, I failed my 'O' levels. I repeat, AGAIN.

I fucking feel lost now.

What should I do next?

Should I go ITE or do 'O' levels for the 3rd time?

If ITE, what do I do to apply?
If 'O' levels, what are the steps to take right now?

Which should I choose exactly??

Seriously, Fuck My Life.

Hopefully from this, my family knows it's not TKD fault that I failed my 'O' levels.

They just don't get it, keep blaming TKD for failing my 'O' levels.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Seriously feel fucking lost.

Help..

Jasmine

Diary 85.

Dear diary,

What should I do?..

Every time at the day of the month, I'll feel like this.

Seriously, I really gotta control myself..

This is so frustrating! *Crack in the heart*

Why is he being nice to me in reality, SOMETIMES??

Yet treating me, replying me like shit in sms, ALWAYS??

Like.. Example this scenario.

The group wants this hot stuff.

But i'm the only one who can't have it. (As in.. Can't really accept it.)

Then, HE, voices out to the group that, I, can't have it.

It's like.. I dun mind they just order the hot stuff.

I really dun mind not having it..

But, the moment he noticed for me, I felt.. Delighted and sorrow at the same time.

Delighted that he finally notice for me.

Sorrow that.. I'm trying to forget him.

Someone please.. Help me forget this guy.. *Pieces of heart falling on the floor*

Jasmine